Not all decisions are easy, and sometimes we don’t fully understand the “why” until much later.
As I continue my doctoral studies, my options for scheduling mandatory courses around rehearsals for an orchestra I conduct have become increasingly difficult. Earlier this week, I learned that I had reached a junction where I had to choose continuing my doctorate, or continuing as music director for the community orchestra- putting the completion of my doctorate at high risk. It was not an easy decision. It kept me up at night. It made me feel physically sick. But in the end, I made the decision to pursue my doctorate and step down from the orchestra after this season.
I have yearned for a doctorate for the last 10 years, but choosing to start a family was an important decision and I’m thrilled to be a father of two wonderful sons. When I was receiving emails about earning a doctorate part time with a scholarship without having to relocate or leave my job, it was a sign that now was the time to go for it.
Telling the orchestra, people whom I consider an extended family at this point, that this June would be our last performance together was difficult, but in the end, I truly believe that it was the right thing. I’m sure that in time, I will look back and understand why life put me in such a difficult situation and made me choose one over the other. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.